diff --git a/lib/python/qmk/cli/__init__.py b/lib/python/qmk/cli/__init__.py
index 26905ec134..c76f8d1354 100644
--- a/lib/python/qmk/cli/__init__.py
+++ b/lib/python/qmk/cli/__init__.py
@@ -3,6 +3,8 @@
 We list each subcommand here explicitly because all the reliable ways of searching for modules are slow and delay startup.
 """
 import os
+import platform
+import platformdirs
 import shlex
 import sys
 from importlib.util import find_spec
@@ -12,6 +14,12 @@ from subprocess import run
 from milc import cli, __VERSION__
 from milc.questions import yesno
 
+# Ensure the QMK distribution is on the `$PATH` if present.
+_default_distrib_path = '/opt/qmk' if 'windows' in platform.platform().lower() else platformdirs.user_data_dir('qmk')  # this must be kept in sync with the default values inside `util/env-bootstrap.sh`!
+QMK_DISTRIB_DIR = Path(os.environ.get('QMK_DISTRIB_DIR', _default_distrib_path))
+if QMK_DISTRIB_DIR.exists():
+    os.environ['PATH'] = str(QMK_DISTRIB_DIR / 'bin') + os.pathsep + os.environ['PATH']
+
 import_names = {
     # A mapping of package name to importable name
     'pep8-naming': 'pep8ext_naming',
diff --git a/lib/python/qmk/cli/doctor/check.py b/lib/python/qmk/cli/doctor/check.py
index 2804a1d7df..2da9835efe 100644
--- a/lib/python/qmk/cli/doctor/check.py
+++ b/lib/python/qmk/cli/doctor/check.py
@@ -1,7 +1,6 @@
 """Check for specific programs.
 """
 from enum import Enum
-import re
 import shutil
 from subprocess import DEVNULL, TimeoutExpired
 from tempfile import TemporaryDirectory
@@ -18,6 +17,18 @@ class CheckStatus(Enum):
 
 
 ESSENTIAL_BINARIES = {
+    'make': {
+        'version_arg': '--version'
+    },
+    'git': {
+        'version_arg': '--version'
+    },
+    'dos2unix': {
+        'version_arg': '--version'
+    },
+    'diff': {
+        'version_arg': '--version'
+    },
     'dfu-programmer': {},
     'avrdude': {},
     'dfu-util': {},
@@ -30,14 +41,36 @@ ESSENTIAL_BINARIES = {
 }
 
 
-def _parse_gcc_version(version):
-    m = re.match(r"(\d+)(?:\.(\d+))?(?:\.(\d+))?", version)
+def _check_make_version():
+    last_line = ESSENTIAL_BINARIES['make']['output'].split('\n')[0]
+    version_number = last_line.split()[2]
+    cli.log.info('Found make version %s', version_number)
 
-    return {
-        'major': int(m.group(1)),
-        'minor': int(m.group(2)) if m.group(2) else 0,
-        'patch': int(m.group(3)) if m.group(3) else 0,
-    }
+    return CheckStatus.OK
+
+
+def _check_git_version():
+    last_line = ESSENTIAL_BINARIES['git']['output'].split('\n')[0]
+    version_number = last_line.split()[2]
+    cli.log.info('Found git version %s', version_number)
+
+    return CheckStatus.OK
+
+
+def _check_dos2unix_version():
+    last_line = ESSENTIAL_BINARIES['dos2unix']['output'].split('\n')[0]
+    version_number = last_line.split()[1]
+    cli.log.info('Found dos2unix version %s', version_number)
+
+    return CheckStatus.OK
+
+
+def _check_diff_version():
+    last_line = ESSENTIAL_BINARIES['diff']['output'].split('\n')[0]
+    version_number = last_line.split()[3]
+    cli.log.info('Found diff version %s', version_number)
+
+    return CheckStatus.OK
 
 
 def _check_arm_gcc_version():
@@ -159,6 +192,10 @@ def check_binary_versions():
     """Check the versions of ESSENTIAL_BINARIES
     """
     checks = {
+        'make': _check_make_version,
+        'git': _check_git_version,
+        'dos2unix': _check_dos2unix_version,
+        'diff': _check_diff_version,
         'arm-none-eabi-gcc': _check_arm_gcc_version,
         'avr-gcc': _check_avr_gcc_version,
         'avrdude': _check_avrdude_version,
diff --git a/util/env-bootstrap.sh b/util/env-bootstrap.sh
new file mode 100755
index 0000000000..813352ab9d
--- /dev/null
+++ b/util/env-bootstrap.sh
@@ -0,0 +1,392 @@
+#!/usr/bin/env bash
+# Copyright 2025 Nick Brassel (@tzarc)
+# SPDX-License-Identifier: GPL-2.0-or-later
+
+################################################################################
+# This script will install the QMK CLI, toolchains, and flashing utilities.
+################################################################################
+# Environment variables:
+#   CONFIRM: Skip the pre-install delay. (or: --confirm)
+#   QMK_DISTRIB_DIR: The directory to install the QMK distribution to. (or: --qmk-distrib-dir=...)
+#   UV_INSTALL_DIR: The directory to install `uv` to. (or: --uv-install-dir=...)
+#   SKIP_CLEAN: Skip cleaning the distribution directory. (or: --skip-clean)
+#   SKIP_PACKAGE_MANAGER: Skip installing the necessary packages for the package manager. (or: --skip-package-manager)
+#   SKIP_UV: Skip installing `uv`. (or: --skip-uv)
+#   SKIP_QMK_CLI: Skip installing the QMK CLI. (or: --skip-qmk-cli)
+#   SKIP_QMK_TOOLCHAINS: Skip installing the QMK toolchains. (or: --skip-qmk-toolchains)
+#   SKIP_QMK_FLASHUTILS: Skip installing the QMK flashing utilities. (or: --skip-qmk-flashutils)
+#
+# Arguments above may be negated by prefixing with `--no-` instead (e.g. `--no-skip-clean`).
+################################################################################
+# Usage:
+#   curl -fsSL https://raw.githubusercontent.com/qmk/qmk_firmware/master/util/env-bootstrap.sh | sh
+#
+# Help:
+#   curl -fsSL https://raw.githubusercontent.com/qmk/qmk_firmware/master/util/env-bootstrap.sh | sh -s -- --help
+#
+# An example which skips installing `uv` using environment variables:
+#   curl -fsSL https://raw.githubusercontent.com/qmk/qmk_firmware/master/util/env-bootstrap.sh | SKIP_UV=1 sh
+#
+# ...or by using command line arguments:
+#   curl -fsSL https://raw.githubusercontent.com/qmk/qmk_firmware/master/util/env-bootstrap.sh | sh -s -- --skip-uv
+#
+# Any other configurable items listed above may be specified in the same way.
+################################################################################
+
+{ # this ensures the entire script is downloaded #
+
+    set -eu
+
+    # Work out which `sed` to use
+    command -v gsed >/dev/null 2>&1 && SED=gsed || SED=sed
+
+    script_args() {
+        cat <<__EOT__
+    --help                    -- Shows this help text
+    --confirm                   -- Skips the delay before installation
+    --uv-install-dir={path}   -- The directory to install \`uv\` into
+    --qmk-distrib-dir={path}  -- The directory to install the QMK distribution into
+    --skip-clean              -- Skip cleaning the QMK distribution directory
+    --skip-package-manager    -- Skip installing the necessary packages for the package manager
+    --skip-uv                 -- Skip installing \`uv\`
+    --skip-qmk-cli            -- Skip installing the QMK CLI
+    --skip-qmk-toolchains     -- Skip installing the QMK toolchains
+    --skip-qmk-flashutils     -- Skip installing the QMK flashing utilities
+__EOT__
+    }
+
+    script_help() {
+        echo "$(basename ${this_script:-qmk-install.sh}) $(script_args | sort | ${SED} -e 's@^\s*@@g' -e 's@\s\+--.*@@g' -e 's@^@[@' -e 's@$@]@' | tr '\n' ' ')"
+        echo
+        echo "Arguments:"
+        script_args
+        echo
+        echo "Switch arguments may be negated by prefixing with '--no-' (e.g. '--no-skip-clean')."
+    }
+
+    script_parse_args() {
+        local N
+        local V
+        while [ ! -z "${1:-}" ]; do
+            case "$1" in
+            --help)
+                script_help
+                exit 0
+                ;;
+            --*=*)
+                N=${1%%=*}
+                N=${N##--}
+                N=$(echo $N | tr '-' '_' | tr 'a-z' 'A-Z')
+                V=${1##*=}
+                export $N="$V"
+                ;;
+            --no-*)
+                N=${1##--no-}
+                N=$(echo $N | tr '-' '_' | tr 'a-z' 'A-Z')
+                unset $N
+                ;;
+            --*)
+                N=${1##--}
+                N=$(echo $N | tr '-' '_' | tr 'a-z' 'A-Z')
+                export $N=true
+                ;;
+            *)
+                echo "Unknown argument: '$1'" >&2
+                echo
+                script_help >&2
+                exit 1
+                ;;
+            esac
+            shift
+            unset N
+            unset V
+        done
+    }
+
+    nsudo() {
+        [[ ${EUID} -ne 0 ]] && echo "sudo"
+        true
+    }
+
+
+    download_url() {
+        local url=$1
+        local filename=${2:-$(basename "$url")}
+        local quiet=''
+        if [ -n "$(command -v curl 2>/dev/null || true)" ]; then
+            [ $filename = "-" ] && quiet='-s' || echo "Downloading '$url' => '$filename'" >&2
+            curl -LSf $quiet -o "$filename" "$url"
+        elif [ -n "$(command -v wget 2>/dev/null || true)" ]; then
+            [ $filename = "-" ] && quiet='-q' || echo "Downloading '$url' => '$filename'" >&2
+            wget $quiet "-O$filename" "$url"
+        else
+            echo "Please install 'curl' or 'wget' to continue." >&2
+            exit 1
+        fi
+    }
+
+    fn_os() {
+        local os_name=$(echo ${1:-} | tr 'A-Z' 'a-z')
+        if [ -z "$os_name" ]; then
+            os_name=$(uname -s | tr 'A-Z' 'a-z')
+        fi
+        case "$os_name" in
+        *darwin* | *macos* | *apple*)
+            echo macos
+            ;;
+        *windows* | *mingw* | *w64*)
+            echo windows
+            ;;
+        *linux*)
+            echo linux
+            ;;
+        *)
+            echo unknown
+            ;;
+        esac
+    }
+
+    fn_arch() {
+        local arch_name=$(echo ${1:-} | tr 'A-Z' 'a-z')
+        if [ -z "$arch_name" ]; then
+            arch_name=$(uname -m | tr 'A-Z' 'a-z')
+        fi
+        case "$arch_name" in
+        *arm64* | *aarch64*)
+            echo ARM64
+            ;;
+        *riscv64*)
+            echo RV64
+            ;;
+        *x86_64* | *x64*)
+            echo X64
+            ;;
+        *)
+            echo unknown
+            ;;
+        esac
+    }
+
+    preinstall_delay() {
+        [ -z "${CONFIRM:-}" ] || return 0
+        echo >&2
+        echo "Waiting 10 seconds before proceeding. Press Ctrl+C to cancel installation." >&2
+        sleep 10
+    }
+
+    install_package_manager_deps() {
+        # Install the necessary packages for the package manager
+        case $(fn_os) in
+        macos)
+            if [ -n "$(command -v brew 2>/dev/null || true)" ]; then
+                echo "It will also install the following system packages using 'brew':" >&2
+                echo "    zstd clang-format make hidapi libusb" >&2
+                preinstall_delay || exit 1
+                brew update && brew upgrade --formulae
+                brew install zstd clang-format make hidapi libusb
+            else
+                echo "Please install 'brew' to continue. See https://brew.sh/ for more information." >&2
+                exit 1
+            fi
+            ;;
+        linux)
+            case $(grep ID /etc/os-release) in
+            *arch* | *manjaro*)
+                echo "It will also install the following system packages using 'pacman':" >&2
+                echo "    zstd base-devel clang diffutils unzip wget zip hidapi" >&2
+                preinstall_delay || exit 1
+                $(nsudo) pacman --needed --noconfirm -S zstd base-devel clang diffutils unzip wget zip
+                $(nsudo) pacman --needed --noconfirm -S hidapi || true # This will fail if the community repo isn't enabled
+                ;;
+            *debian* | *ubuntu*)
+                echo "It will also install the following system packages using 'apt':" >&2
+                echo "    zstd build-essential clang-format diffutils unzip wget zip libhidapi-hidraw0" >&2
+                preinstall_delay || exit 1
+                $(nsudo) apt-get update
+                DEBIAN_FRONTEND=noninteractive \
+                    $(nsudo) apt-get --quiet --yes install zstd build-essential clang-format diffutils unzip wget zip libhidapi-hidraw0
+                ;;
+            *fedora*)
+                echo "It will also install the following system packages using 'dnf':" >&2
+                echo "    zstd clang diffutils gcc git unzip wget zip hidapi" >&2
+                echo "And whichever of the following is available, depending on which packages are provided by the distro:" >&2
+                echo "    libusb-devel, libusb1-devel, libusb-compat-0.1-devel, or libusb0-devel" >&2
+                preinstall_delay || exit 1
+                $(nsudo) dnf -y install zstd clang diffutils gcc git unzip wget zip hidapi libusb-devel libusb1-devel libusb-compat-0.1-devel libusb0-devel --skip-unavailable
+                ;;
+            *gentoo*)
+                echo "It will also the following packages using 'emerge':" >&2
+                echo "    app-arch/zstd app-arch/unzip app-arch/zip net-misc/wget llvm-core/clang sys-apps/hwloc dev-libs/hidapi" >&2
+                preinstall_delay || exit 1
+                $(nsudo) emerge -au --noreplace \
+                    app-arch/zstd app-arch/unzip app-arch/zip net-misc/wget llvm-core/clang sys-apps/hwloc dev-libs/hidapi
+                ;;
+            *slackware*)
+                echo "It will also the following packages using 'sboinstall':" >&2
+                echo "    python3" >&2
+                preinstall_delay || exit 1
+                $(nsudo) sboinstall python3 # Rest tbd?
+                ;;
+            *solus*)
+                echo "It will also install the following system packages using 'eopkg':" >&2
+                echo "    system.devel zstd git wget zip unzip python3" >&2
+                preinstall_delay || exit 1
+                $(nsudo) eopkg -y update-repo
+                $(nsudo) eopkg -y upgrade
+                $(nsudo) eopkg -y install \
+                    -c system.devel zstd git wget zip unzip python3
+                ;;
+            *void*)
+                echo "It will also the following packages using 'xbps-install':" >&2
+                echo "    zstd git make wget unzip zip python3" >&2
+                preinstall_delay || exit 1
+                $(nsudo) xbps-install -y \
+                    zstd git make wget unzip zip python3
+                ;;
+            *)
+                echo "Sorry, we don't recognize your distribution. Try using the docker image instead:"
+                echo
+                echo "https://docs.qmk.fm/#/getting_started_docker"
+                exit 1
+                ;;
+            esac
+            ;;
+        esac
+    }
+
+    install_uv() {
+        # Install `uv` (or update as necessary)
+        download_url https://astral.sh/uv/install.sh - | TMPDIR=${TMPDIR:-} UV_INSTALL_DIR=${UV_INSTALL_DIR:-} sh
+    }
+
+    setup_paths() {
+        # Set up the paths for any of the locations `uv` expects
+        if [ -n "${XDG_BIN_HOME:-}" ]; then
+            export PATH="$XDG_BIN_HOME:$PATH"
+        fi
+        if [ -n "${XDG_DATA_HOME:-}" ]; then
+            export PATH="$XDG_DATA_HOME/../bin:$PATH"
+        fi
+        [ ! -d "$HOME/.local/bin" ] || export PATH="$HOME/.local/bin:$PATH"
+
+        if [ -n "${UV_INSTALL_DIR:-}" ]; then
+            export PATH="$UV_INSTALL_DIR/bin:$UV_INSTALL_DIR:$PATH" # cater for both "flat" and "hierarchical" installs of `uv`
+        fi
+    }
+
+    install_qmk_cli() {
+        # Install the QMK CLI
+        uv tool install --force --with pip --upgrade --python 3.13 qmk
+
+        # QMK is installed to...
+        local qmk_tooldir="$(uv tool dir)/qmk"
+
+        # Convert it to a unix-style path if we're on Windows/Msys2
+        if [ "$(uname -o 2>/dev/null || true)" = "Msys" ]; then
+            qmk_tooldir="$(cygpath -u "$qmk_tooldir")"
+        fi
+
+        # Activate the environment
+        if [ -e "$qmk_tooldir/bin" ]; then
+            . "$qmk_tooldir/bin/activate"
+        elif [ -e "$qmk_tooldir/Scripts" ]; then
+            . "$qmk_tooldir/Scripts/activate"
+        else
+            echo "Could not find the QMK environment to activate." >&2
+            exit 1
+        fi
+
+        # Install the QMK dependencies
+        uv pip install --upgrade -r https://raw.githubusercontent.com/qmk/qmk_firmware/refs/heads/master/requirements.txt
+        uv pip install --upgrade -r https://raw.githubusercontent.com/qmk/qmk_firmware/refs/heads/master/requirements-dev.txt
+
+        # Deactivate the environment
+        deactivate
+    }
+
+    install_toolchains() {
+        # Get the latest toolchain release from https://github.com/qmk/qmk_toolchains
+        local latest_toolchains_release=$(download_url https://api.github.com/repos/qmk/qmk_toolchains/releases/latest - | grep -oE '"tag_name": "[^"]+' | grep -oE '[^"]+$')
+        # Download the specific release asset with a matching keyword
+        local toolchain_url=$(download_url https://api.github.com/repos/qmk/qmk_toolchains/releases/tags/$latest_toolchains_release - | grep -oE '"browser_download_url": "[^"]+"' | grep -oE 'https://[^"]+' | grep $(fn_os)$(fn_arch))
+        if [ -z "$toolchain_url" ]; then
+            echo "No toolchain found for this OS/Arch combination." >&2
+            exit 1
+        fi
+
+        # Download the toolchain release to the toolchains location
+        echo "Downloading compiler toolchain..." >&2
+        local target_file="$QMK_DISTRIB_DIR/$(basename "$toolchain_url")"
+        download_url "$toolchain_url" "$target_file"
+
+        # Extract the toolchain
+        echo "Extracting compiler toolchain to '$QMK_DISTRIB_DIR'..." >&2
+        tar xf "$target_file" -C "$QMK_DISTRIB_DIR" --strip-components=1
+    }
+
+    install_flashing_tools() {
+        # Get the latest flashing tools release from https://github.com/qmk/qmk_flashutils
+        local latest_flashutils_release=$(download_url https://api.github.com/repos/qmk/qmk_flashutils/releases/latest - | grep -oE '"tag_name": "[^"]+' | grep -oE '[^"]+$')
+        # Download the specific release asset with a matching keyword
+        local flashutils_url=$(download_url https://api.github.com/repos/qmk/qmk_flashutils/releases/tags/$latest_flashutils_release - | grep -oE '"browser_download_url": "[^"]+"' | grep -oE 'https://[^"]+' | grep $(fn_os)$(fn_arch))
+        if [ -z "$flashutils_url" ]; then
+            echo "No flashing tools found for this OS/Arch combination." >&2
+            exit 1
+        fi
+
+        # Download the flashing tools release to the toolchains location
+        echo "Downloading flashing tools..." >&2
+        local target_file="$QMK_DISTRIB_DIR/$(basename "$flashutils_url")"
+        download_url "$flashutils_url" "$target_file"
+
+        # Extract the flashing tools
+        echo "Extracting flashing tools to '$QMK_DISTRIB_DIR'..." >&2
+        tar xf "$target_file" -C "$QMK_DISTRIB_DIR/bin"
+    }
+
+    clean_tarballs() {
+        # Clean up the tarballs
+        rm -f "$QMK_DISTRIB_DIR"/*.tar.zst || true
+    }
+
+    # Windows/MSYS doesn't like `/tmp` so we need to set a different temporary directory.
+    # Also set the default `UV_INSTALL_DIR` and `QMK_DISTRIB_DIR` to locations which don't pollute the user's home directory, keeping the installation internal to MSYS.
+    if [ "$(uname -o 2>/dev/null || true)" = "Msys" ]; then
+        export TMPDIR="$(cygpath -w "$TMP")"
+        export UV_INSTALL_DIR=${UV_INSTALL_DIR:-/opt/uv}
+        export QMK_DISTRIB_DIR=${QMK_DISTRIB_DIR:-/opt/qmk}
+    fi
+
+    # Work out where we want to install the distribution
+    export QMK_DISTRIB_DIR=${QMK_DISTRIB_DIR:-$HOME/.local/share/qmk}
+
+    script_parse_args "$@"
+
+    echo "This script will install \`uv\` to ${UV_INSTALL_DIR:-the default location}, and the QMK CLI, toolchains, and flashing utilities to ${QMK_DISTRIB_DIR}."
+    [ -z "${SKIP_PACKAGE_MANAGER:-}" ] || { preinstall_delay || exit 1; }
+    [ -n "${SKIP_PACKAGE_MANAGER:-}" ] || install_package_manager_deps
+    [ -n "${SKIP_UV:-}" ] || install_uv
+    setup_paths
+    [ -n "${SKIP_QMK_CLI:-}" ] || install_qmk_cli
+
+    # Clear out the distrib directory if necessary
+    if [ -z "${SKIP_CLEAN:-}" ] || [ -z "${SKIP_QMK_TOOLCHAINS:-}" -a -z "${SKIP_QMK_FLASHUTILS:-}" ]; then
+        if [ -d "$QMK_DISTRIB_DIR" ]; then
+            echo "Removing old QMK distribution..." >&2
+            rm -rf "$QMK_DISTRIB_DIR"
+        fi
+    fi
+    mkdir -p "$QMK_DISTRIB_DIR"
+
+    [ -n "${SKIP_QMK_TOOLCHAINS:-}" ] || install_toolchains
+    [ -n "${SKIP_QMK_FLASHUTILS:-}" ] || install_flashing_tools
+    clean_tarballs
+
+    # Notify the user that they may need to restart their shell to get the `qmk` command
+    hash -r
+    echo
+    echo "You may need to restart your shell to gain access to the 'qmk' command."
+    echo "Alternatively, add "$(dirname "$(command -v qmk)")" to your \$PATH:"
+    echo "    export PATH=\"$(dirname "$(command -v qmk)"):\$PATH\""
+
+} # this ensures the entire script is downloaded #